He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
