so that wasnt chicken after all
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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