Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
