why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
