she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
