she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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