Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
