I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
