i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
