its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Your penis caused this!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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