how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I want is dick and wine.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
