My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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