Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
