Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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