that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
