If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We are all done wearing pants today
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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