It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
