I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
