Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
