Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
4 words: hood of his car
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
