I'm drive I can fine osifer
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
