So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
