Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
