I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
