So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
