I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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