T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
