we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
