I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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