where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
