Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
