Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
