There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
