Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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