I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
