I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
