Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
