i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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