Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
