I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
