what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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