I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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