Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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