I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
don't judge my taste in strippers
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
