dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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