he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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