My cat gives me a boner
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's not a walk of shame if you run
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
