when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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