yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
