i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
