I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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