Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
