do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
