I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
