He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
